Facing the Elephant

I posted this on the Parotid Tumor Patients Forum on April 20th as a sort of idle thought, and was surprised at the positive response. As of today 182 have viewed it on the forum, and several people have posted comments there telling me they found it encouraging. We forget sometimes how powerful it can be to strive to bring a sense of perspective to our problems.

In ancient times the Romans were traumatized by the advance of Hannibal and his army, who crossed the Alps with their war elephants and swept down the Italian boot, gathering supporters and making alliances with the Cisalpine Gauls and other Northern Italian tribes, until Rome itself was threatened. The Roman legions, called from levies upon the young men of all of Rome's citizens and the surrounding towns, met Hannibal in battle and were destroyed in the battles of Cannae and Lake Trasimene. These battles, which were every bit as destructive of Rome's youth as World War One was of the youth of France, Britain, and Germany, became legendary in Roman history for the presence of the elephants, and ever after, throughout Western European history, a youth's first encounter with war was referred to as "seeing the elephant".

Sometimes I think I'm getting ready to face the elephant. I'm not new to it. I've had five surgeries, and one of them was a total parotidectomy, but somehow it all feels new again to me, this knowledge that in a few months I'll be setting off for Johns Hopkins, watching them set up the IVs and knowing that soon I will be asleep and when I wake up I'll be uncomfortable and my face will be swollen and my abdomen will be sore (please, God, let it be smaller ... I can TAKE smaller), and I'll be facing recovery once again from facial paralysis and surgery. And in the wee, small hours of the morning sometimes this prospect frightens me. Last night I had the very difficult task of telling my 87 year old mother that the struggle continues, and I am once again going under the knife. But then I remember that I have wonderful friends and a loving family. I remember that I have three beautiful children, all of them adult or darn close to it, who will be there to greet me when I wake up. Right now they are all three of them beautiful and healthy. Isn't that what I always say I want? I remember that I practice in a jurisdiction where the judges are downright protective of their lawyers and will do anything to make sure that nothing averse to either client or lawyer happens as a result of this surgery. I remember that I live in a great country, that I have access to spectacular medical services, that I have lived 50 years and the issues which might have concerned me very much 25 years ago concern me a lot less now, because the older we get the less it matters to us how someone looks or whether someone might be a little plump or their skin might be a bit wrinkled. With age has come the realization that the important things are the quality issues - my family, my friends, my opportunities, and the beauty that surrounds me every day.

I'm just saying ...

So maybe I face the elephant again. But the elephant to me is not an unknown and it is not a mindless terror. It's something I can handle.